On his new album, comedian David Cross dissects a plight facing many cheap-beer drinkers: how to get that beer from the can into one's stomach.

"What is going on with people who drink Coors Light and their seeming inability to get the liquid that's in the can into them? What is the problem they're having that they need these technological advances?" he asks.

And with impeccable timing, Coors announced yet another innovation this month: the "Cold Activation Window". Before we dive into the complexities of this new advancement, it's important to put into context all the other innovations pioneered by the company:

• Cold Activated Bottle and Can: Mountains on the label turn blue when the beer is cold enough to drink.
• Vented Wide Mouth Can: The industry’s first built-in vent with a wider opening delivers a smoother, draft-like drinking experience.
• Plastic Bottle Cooler Box: The industry’s first ice-ready, one-time use cooler package.

Clearly, the question prior to May 2010 was this: if I am buying a whole box of Coors Light — and I am — how do I know that the cans within the package are As Cold As The Rockies? I want to see the mountains! And so help me they'd better be blue.

Thus, the brand new feature. The "Cold Activation Window" — a hole in the box that allows you to see the cans or bottles within — turns transparent in cool temperatures. So, if you can't see the Rockies, they are likely not blue. UNSAFE TO CONSUME.

The new technology allows you to relax, never again second-guessing your sense of touch or thinking, "Oh my, I almost drank that."

On the other side of the MillerCoors universe, something else happened. Miller High Life quietly rolled out some new packaging of their own — only without any cool inventions. In fact, the theme seems to be simple "common sense". A celebration of honesty.

Overall, the brand remains. It's familiar, and aside from the stripped-down secondary packaging, the new labeling may even escape less discerning eyes. Everything has been cleaned up. The detailing is beautiful — from the running type in the green borders to the embossing on the bottle to the downplayed script and smaller logo.

The biggest change appears on the boxes. A one-color, red Miller emblem. A clean, golden backdrop with an upright bottle. The iconic "moon girl" blown up and given an entire side panel. No fake-metallic gradients, no ice, no mountains, no water droplets. The consumer's intelligence is not questioned. If there were no official press release, one might think this was just a student project or dismissed spec work.

So on one hand we see design at its worst: gimmicky, wasteful, and manipulative. A poor product that tries to hide its inadequacies behind "features." On the other, pure and simple: "we're common-grade and we know it; let's just wrap it up in a nice package."

I will drink to the fact that the latter exists today. How will I know it's cold enough to consume? By picking up that handsome bottle with my bare hands.

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